Inner Developer Wounded
Have you ever had to design, write or otherwise create something so unpleasing to your sense of quality or work ethic that you were literally ashamed of it? The closest I came to this in the past was on a writing project for a company that Shall Not Be Named many years ago where awful, unspeakable things were done to a text after it was submitted it in order to preserve some twisted and outright delusional sense of political correctness.Ā While I wished I could have retroactively used a pseudonym on that project, at least I could take comfort in the fact that I didn’t actually commit the creative atrocity in question.Ā This time, I have no such defense.
In the name of speed and efficiency, I will be creating something that I honestly do not feel is a good representation of my (our) abilities and standards. Yes, I know I’m being a bit of a prima donna here, but something deep inside me winces in pain to do something too quickly and far below my (our) capabilities. The angels on my shoulders, Work Ethic and Quality Control are boxing me about the ears as I type this. I don’t think this piece will find its way to my portfolio.
Yes, I’ve had to make a number of costumes for people who were too cheap to allow me to purchase quality materials. After the last one I was so ashamed I made it that I vowed to be far more choosy with my commissions. I have since turned down several people because their budgets would not meet my level of quality and I’m happer for it.
In a freelance scenario, I definitely think I’m going to take your approach on projects. In this particular arena, I think I’m stuck plowing ahead. Comforting to know I’m not the only that finds themselves in this sort of dilemna. š
I’ve had to sell a client what was essentially colored water with a little surfactant in it to keep an account before. Telling this person “you don’t need to buy anything else” wasn’t doing it, and I was finally told by someone else there to either sell him something or that the person I was dealing with would probably find someone else to do so. So, I sold him some colored very mild cleaning agent. It might have done a little good, but it probably didn’t do much of anything and certainly wasn’t necessary. I try to give my clients the most “bang for their buck” regardless of how much or little money they might be spending, so that kind of thing bothers me.
I suspect this general tendency is why none of us are fabulous wealthy, insanely powerful or ludicrously influential. š
Oh, definitely. “Rapture: The Second Coming.” The mass rape scene in the “example scenario” prompted me to tell the developer, “This offends me as a woman, but it offends me a hell of a lot more as a game designer.” The PCs could not possibly “win” at that module – and that’s your example of how to play? WTF? The entire concept was pretty goofy, but the execution was just plain offensive. Which I realize was in part what they were going for – but they wound up with something that I can’t believe anyone in their right mind would enjoy playing.
Of course I’ve said the same about W:tO, so what do I know. š
Oh yeah, and something about a book with a black marble cover, and being told it needed Sabbat and vampire armies and Tiamat in it.
Compared to Jenhart’s experiences, my own frustration are suddenly much less personally offensive. I am secretly making the project I am ashamed of better behind the scenes and plan to put it on the table as an alternative a few days from now. Even if it’s shot down, I’m expanding some techniques that I haven’t been able to explore recently.