I’ve heard it said that civilization is only a few months from collapse once the structures of distribution and management are removed. To that theory, I’d like to add that a lawn is only four weeks from a convincing set for Apocalypse Now. Lawn Math… Four weeks of intermittent rain & sun over .25 acres equals approximately 17 bags of lawn clippings and 1.5 liters of sweat, just in case you were wondering. It can also turn the digits of the person handling those lawn clippings bright green with chlorophyll. Until I was able to enlist the assistance of a pair of nail clippers and a cuticle brush, my fingers were fully capable of supporting themselves by way of photosynthesis. Although this certain appeal, the obvious extension of the the label “treehugger” wasn’t something I wanted to acquire for myself. All joking aside, I actually don’t despise yard work. While it’s a DISTANT second to house work, there is a certain sense of satisfaction and accomplishment from wrangling a lawn into something vaguely resembling order. No, this does not necessarily mean I will mow your lawn in exchange for the sheer pleasure of seeing all the unruly blades of grass brought to heel but thank you for the offer.