(Jersey Journal) A kamikaze squirrel fell from the sky and detonated a Bayonne woman’s car yesterday, police said today. Lindsey Millar, 23, and her brother, Tony, 22, were both home Wednesday at about 12:45 p.m. when Lindsey’s car suddenly started burning outside their 42nd Street home. Tony Millar said firefighters told them it was the work of a buck-toothed saboteur that had been gnawing on overhead power lines connected to a transformer directly above the 2006 Toyota Camry.

Mystech: Thanks for the lead, Speaks. Further proof that squirrels hate our way of life and will stop at nothing to undermine our freedoms.

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(With apologies to This American Life)

“The squirrel chewed through the wire, was set on fire, fell down directly to where the car was,” Tony Millar said. “The squirrel, on fire, slid into the engine compartment and blew up the car.

“They’re always coming around here, chewing through the garbage,” he added.

Tony Millar says his sister was fully insured.

“It’s something to laugh about once she has a new car,” he said. “It’s not funny yet.”
Police said there were no injuries — except for the squirrel, that is, which is dead.

The Millars’ home is decorated for Halloween, complete with a tiny plastic tombstone on their front lawn. Tony Millar said the family will consider dedicating the tombstone to the squirrel, who was not named.