Current:

Yesterday I entered the break room where a large mound of holiday client swag has been growing (cookies, cakes, candies, etc) and grabbed a large box of chocolates, declaring “I claim these in the name of Zod.” No one even flinched. Must try harder.

I’ve also found a handful of old plastic army men, which I’m posing in different places around the office… guarding water cooler and coffee machine, in the copier, etc.  I’ll move them about every day or so.  Perhaps buy some more and organize slow motion military campaigns in various office areas.

Future Projects:

Find some pop-up book type templates and mount them inside the copier lid, microwave, etc so that they open along with said device/appliance.

Add the word “Vector” in front of the cubical name cards of co-workers currently out sick.

Snag one of the old water cooler bottles and build a (sealed) faux aquarium unit inside and replace the real one early in the morning.

Insert several varieties of airplane-sized liquors into the office first aid kit.

Guiding Principles:

Deny Everything, Damage Nothing, Amuse, Entertain, Remain Employed